You Know What Grinds My Gears...by Scott Fovel
Posted by Justin Jones on Fri, Apr 08, 2011 @ 08:30 AM
Intercepted e-mail from the twisted mind of Scott Fovel.
WARNING: This content has been completely unfiltered and may not be suitable for all audiences. Reader discretion is advised:
[E-mail from Chillset@gmail.com at 3:55pm, 7 April 2011]
I just want to say this…
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about gum lately. That’s right,
chewing gum. Since I’ve stopped smoking, I’ve been trying many
different kinds of gum looking for the best. Here’s what I’ve come up with…
For some reason, gum flavor STILL doesn’t last longer than 5–10
minutes. Are you kidding me?! It’s fucking 2011! This leads me to
believe that the gum industry is one of the most corrupt industries
out there. Here are my questions: What if they actually HAVE created an “ever-lasting” chewing gum, but they don’t want to release it because people wouldn’t buy as much gum??
Like they would put it on their dinner plate, eat, and then go back to the gum. That makes sense to me…why would these companies shoot themselves in the foot??
OR, are all of the companies owned by one big company?? Are there mob bosses representing different gum companies that meet together in a private room somewhere and threaten each other to release the “ever-lasting” gum to the public? I heard one company manufactured the ever-lasting gum and planned to release it to the public….until the CEO WAS MURDERED THAT NIGHT…..and the recipe was stolen!
What’s really going on with the gum industry? And why are they hiding this beautiful product from the public (that seems quite easy to make nowadays)?
[End Communication]